Confessions of a Christian Shopaholic

I’m in a season of my life where I just want more of God. I’ve tried everything else and not only has it not satisfied but it seems small in retrospect. I’m climbing over mental obstacles and spiritual mountains to get and stay closer to Him. I’m just in a place where I’m willing to go through whatever. 

It hasn’t always been that way. I’ve come from a season where I was clawing my way on hands and knees just looking to catch a glimpse of His presence. And I know I’m not the only one. So, how did I do it?

…The truth is I didn’t. I was crawling and clawing because I was trying to stay in God’s presence by my own will power. And as I was failing I was filling my life with things and stuff that I thought could lessen the blow of that failure while at the same time helping me achieve holiness (I have about 15 different bibles floating around my house. Hit me up if you need one and I’ll send it to you).  

I like to shop. No, I LOVE to shop. I love to find and give the perfect gift. I love the hunt for a bargain. I love the latest gadget. I love everything about it. And when I’m in a funk when I’m lonely, when I’m feeling like a failure, nothing lifts me out faster than the hunt for a purchase.

Or so I thought.

The problem with that is when the shopping is done, there are the repercussions of having spent all of that money. If you’re like me and you use credit, there’s the pressure of mounting minimum payments and the endless juggling of paychecks and which bill to pay this month. If you live in a city like I do, you know how much access you have to whatever shop or store you can imagine. I love New York, but it’s a blessing and a curse for this particular problem. 

And that’s to say nothing of the spiritual repercussions of being suddenly focussed on anything other than Jesus. It’s a drain on your faith. You start to bargain and “reason” with God. “Please Lord, if I only had more, I could concentrate on You. If You would bring me out of this season of lacking, I could be a super mega Christian.” Maybe that’s just me, but I doubt it. I think we’ve all been there. 

I don’t know about you, but I had just gotten sick of it. I cried out to God for help but this time I surrendered everything to Him. I figuratively left it all at his feet.

“Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, Than great treasure with trouble.” Proverbs 15:16.

It isn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it. I want to be happy. I wanted peace. Filling my life with things brought chaos. It took a long time but I realized I was the thing in the way of my happiness, of my getting closer to God and being the woman of God He is pleased with.

I was fighting for peace, for happiness.  But where is true happiness? In the arms of the one who created us. Owning things can never bring about that kind of happiness.  The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:10, “ Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!” 

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Funny, how that works. I’m loving this new season where all I have to do is live my life coveting only His presence and everything else seems to fall into place. It has been so freeing. How simple a formula for happiness. If it’s not Jesus, throw it away. It’s not important. I find myself dancing on elevators and train platforms and speaking to strangers about His love with a light heart and without fear of rejection. I’ve now spoken at church twice (If you know me, you know that’s an utter miracle). I’m not saying life has been perfect but I’m constantly surprised when the next step I take towards Him in my Spiritual walk leads me to a better place in my earthly one. 

Am I still craving things? … Yes, this world still tells us that in order to achieve happiness we have to acquire things. But do I still buy them, seek them, focus on them? Nope! When the urge hits, I turn to music, to His word or my brothers and sisters in Christ and in life to remind me what is truly important. 

So I don’t care what mountain I have to climb. I don’t care what things I have to give up. I don’t care what storm I have to endure… I am running towards Him and dropping everything I have to to get to Him. I have realized that I’d rather live within my means than deal with all of the baggage that comes from having things. And I would rather fill my home with His eternal presence and my heart with His eternal peace than with all the things that can only satisfy in the moment.

Oh and if you see me on the street with a whole lot of shopping bags, you have my full permission to ask me some questions. 

Resources:

https://www.christianbook.com/uncluttered-free-your-space-schedule-soul/courtney-ellis/9781628627916/pd/627917?en=google&event=SHOP&kw=books-0-20%7C627917&p=1179710&dv=c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-t3upPjv5QIVVeWGCh01MgdmEAQYAiABEgLoyvD_BwE#CBD-PD-Description

https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14304

My Fiction

Sooo…I write fiction and for many years I’ve kept the stories in my head to myself. God has been pushing me to share but I’ve been very reluctant. This is something very personal and it’s really a hobby that started out as me and my best friend (we were preteens) sharing stories back and forth. She lived in the Bronx and I lived upstate and we wrote each other letters that turned into stories, that turned into thinly veiled wishes and hopes and dreams. Anyway, that friendship ended but I kept writing.

Writing pre-Christ was an outlet for emotions I never allowed myself to express. Those stories of hopes and dreams slowly became an escape from the hard things in life. And then I found Jesus and my writing was put on the back burner because I had a lot of soul work to do and God showed me that I didn’t need to hide behind fiction. He could help me deal with all that stuff I had put down on paper and hidden in fiction but never really actually worked through.

Now, it’s a passion from which I find enjoyment. A Bible verse, a song Christian or otherwise opens this whole train of thought that I’m not sure what to do with but I know He wants me to share with somebody.

I will be posting snippets from pieces I’m working on from time to time. I’ve created a section in the menu called My Fiction. My first snippet, Number 73, is there. Please take a look at it. I welcome your feedback. Be gentle, it’s very raw and still in the draft phase. I hope you like it…

Celeste

Welcome to My Blog

I just wanted to take a little time to say thank you for visiting notyouraveragechristian.com. This is really a labor of love and a testament to obedience and faith in God’s leading. I feel led by God to share pieces of myself with the hope that Christians like me who don’t fit into the traditional church mold will find comfort in knowing they’re not alone and that there is a place and purpose for us in His church and in this world.

Please be respectful and share your comments in love or they will be deleted.

Thank you again.

Celeste