I’m in a season of my life where I just want more of God. I’ve tried everything else and not only has it not satisfied but it seems small in retrospect. I’m climbing over mental obstacles and spiritual mountains to get and stay closer to Him. I’m just in a place where I’m willing to go through whatever.
It hasn’t always been that way. I’ve come from a season where I was clawing my way on hands and knees just looking to catch a glimpse of His presence. And I know I’m not the only one. So, how did I do it?
…The truth is I didn’t. I was crawling and clawing because I was trying to stay in God’s presence by my own will power. And as I was failing I was filling my life with things and stuff that I thought could lessen the blow of that failure while at the same time helping me achieve holiness (I have about 15 different bibles floating around my house. Hit me up if you need one and I’ll send it to you).
I like to shop. No, I LOVE to shop. I love to find and give the perfect gift. I love the hunt for a bargain. I love the latest gadget. I love everything about it. And when I’m in a funk when I’m lonely, when I’m feeling like a failure, nothing lifts me out faster than the hunt for a purchase.
Or so I thought.
The problem with that is when the shopping is done, there are the repercussions of having spent all of that money. If you’re like me and you use credit, there’s the pressure of mounting minimum payments and the endless juggling of paychecks and which bill to pay this month. If you live in a city like I do, you know how much access you have to whatever shop or store you can imagine. I love New York, but it’s a blessing and a curse for this particular problem.
And that’s to say nothing of the spiritual repercussions of being suddenly focussed on anything other than Jesus. It’s a drain on your faith. You start to bargain and “reason” with God. “Please Lord, if I only had more, I could concentrate on You. If You would bring me out of this season of lacking, I could be a super mega Christian.” Maybe that’s just me, but I doubt it. I think we’ve all been there.
I don’t know about you, but I had just gotten sick of it. I cried out to God for help but this time I surrendered everything to Him. I figuratively left it all at his feet.
“Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, Than great treasure with trouble.” Proverbs 15:16.
It isn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it. I want to be happy. I wanted peace. Filling my life with things brought chaos. It took a long time but I realized I was the thing in the way of my happiness, of my getting closer to God and being the woman of God He is pleased with.
I was fighting for peace, for happiness. But where is true happiness? In the arms of the one who created us. Owning things can never bring about that kind of happiness. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:10, “ Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!”
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
Funny, how that works. I’m loving this new season where all I have to do is live my life coveting only His presence and everything else seems to fall into place. It has been so freeing. How simple a formula for happiness. If it’s not Jesus, throw it away. It’s not important. I find myself dancing on elevators and train platforms and speaking to strangers about His love with a light heart and without fear of rejection. I’ve now spoken at church twice (If you know me, you know that’s an utter miracle). I’m not saying life has been perfect but I’m constantly surprised when the next step I take towards Him in my Spiritual walk leads me to a better place in my earthly one.
Am I still craving things? … Yes, this world still tells us that in order to achieve happiness we have to acquire things. But do I still buy them, seek them, focus on them? Nope! When the urge hits, I turn to music, to His word or my brothers and sisters in Christ and in life to remind me what is truly important.
So I don’t care what mountain I have to climb. I don’t care what things I have to give up. I don’t care what storm I have to endure… I am running towards Him and dropping everything I have to to get to Him. I have realized that I’d rather live within my means than deal with all of the baggage that comes from having things. And I would rather fill my home with His eternal presence and my heart with His eternal peace than with all the things that can only satisfy in the moment.
Oh and if you see me on the street with a whole lot of shopping bags, you have my full permission to ask me some questions.
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You are amazing. Stay strong and Keep up the good work.
This is so right on point especially for this season. Only My Lord Jesus can fill the void in my heart. You are right … all we need is to live life coveting His presence and everything certainly WILL fall into place. Free indeed 🙌🏽 Thank you for posting hermana.
This was uber inspiring. Love you my sister! We’re in the struggle with you!
Thank you for sharing this! I’ve been dancing in the kitchen myself these days. Looks like God is literally turning out mourning into dancing. Great read. Thank you. Rock on sis!
This was such a blessing and confirmation! Thank you Sis!
Great read my sister ,will post later . you touch a major artery GBU
Love this! There’s truly freedom in recognizing our struggles, sincerely surrendering them to the Lord and relying on the Holy Spirit to move us forward. I’m proud to be a witness to this major breakthrough in your life! 💕🙏🏽💕